Friends, I sit here today thinking about the longevity of grief - how it is not a storm to get through or a season that eventually passes, but a forever companion.
There is a harshness to that. A heaviness. Knowing that I will carry this pain until the day I die can feel almost impossible to hold. There are moments when the permanence of loss feels like too much, when I wrestle with the reality that this is a pain I did not choose and cannot simply put down.
But I have also come to see this pain - and the work of integrating my grief - as sacred work.
It is holy ground.
Every day, I get to integrate the loss of my child into my everyday life. I do that by honoring his memory and his legacy, by living in a way that perpetuates the beauty he put into the world.
My family and I are always finding ways to weave him into our current lives. We continue his legacy through the ways we live, through the stories we share, and through speaking about him with my grandchildren, who did not get the privilege of meeting him.
This work is not only the work I do in therapy. It is not only the hard things, the long nights when it is all I can think about, or the moments when I wrestle with this cosmic betrayal.
It is all of that, yes. But it is also sacred work.
It feels like holy work. It feels like me intertwining myself with the divine presence. It was my honor to be his mom while he was still alive, and it continues to be my honor to be his mother in a different form now that he has transitioned.
So, I do not only see grief as my cross to bear forever. I see it as sacred, holy work that I get to do because I loved deeply - and because I have now experienced this deep loss.
Grief is not a sign that I am failing to move forward. It is evidence of love. It is remembrance. It is legacy. It is the ongoing relationship I have with my child, even though that relationship has changed.
And while I would give anything to have him here, I will continue to honor him in every way I can. I will continue to carry him with me, to speak his name, to share his story, and to let his life continue to shape the way I love, live, and show up in this world.
That is sacred work.
Keep a Place at the Table
Grief rarely moves in a straight line. Some days call for words, some for community, and some simply for the reminder that you do not have to carry this alone.
If this reflection met you where you are, I invite you to explore The Grief Table archive—a growing collection of letters, reflections, and grief tools to return to whenever you need them.thegrieftable.substack
And if you are looking for additional support, resources, community spaces, recommended books, journals, or ways to stay connected, you can find them gathered in The Grief Table Resource Room.linktr
May you be gentle with yourself today.
May you speak their name when you need to.
And may you remember: you are not walking this holy ground alone. 🤍
With love,
Jamie
This: “Grief is not a sign that I am failing to move forward. It is evidence of love. It is remembrance. It is legacy.”
Your “holy work” comes through in this article. And while my loss is different, our beliefs surrounding loss seem the same. 💜 thank you for sharing your walk.
Sacred work ... holy ground. I had not thought of my grief in those terms and so I do appreciate those words, that perspective. I've shared in comments on some of your posts how this loss, this sadness and grief that I now carry, has changed my perspective on loss and grief. Has made me view grief in a very different way. I always thought that a loss was something that you 'get over', you 'move on' ... you remember the person/people you have lost and you think of them wistfully but you move on.
But this loss, this is not a loss I can move on from - and so now I get it, I understand it in a way that I never did.
And I thank you for all that you have shared Jamie - your words, the words of the community you created - have shown me, taught me that I don't have to 'get over' this grief. I will integrate it, I will recognize and acknowledge that the grief is, as you have said, love with nowhere to go. And we don't stop loving just because our person is gone.